Posted on by JJones

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot. –Eleanor Roosevelt

My children are taking that big step from teenager to semi-adult. Or as I told my son, he is now becoming a baby man. But as they move into the realm of responsibility it is so difficult to have to stand back and let them learn. As Eleanor says each time they face fear and move forward they grow. But each time they have to do so, they also can find pain and sometimes failure. I do sometimes wish life was like a video game, where you could reset your game and fight the bad guy just one more time. But while literally we cannot have a do-over we can take the experience with us to the next challenge.

While, I sound so confident and sure of myself on this matter, I will have to admit that the obstacles that life tosses me are often overwhelming and scary even now. I can look back at myself when I was my children’s age and realize how much I thought I knew but also now I know how naive I was. Although, I will say that I don’t regret my choices now, because of how things turned out. Some of my choices did make life more difficult. I suppose as a parent I want things to be easy for my children. But by wishing for such a thing, I would also be robbing them of the feeling of succeeding, where they didn’t believe they could. They also would miss out on making those painful mistakes that often define turning points in our lives.

So part of me facing my greatest fear, is facing my children are growing up, and hoping they have the tools to stare fear in the face and become their adult-selves. Growing up is such a process, I’m still in the process myself, so I imagine the journey will continue for both myself and my children. As a mother I will always be here to guide them, but they must make their own adventures as they move forward and fight their own monsters.

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Off the Wall: Yoda knows best

Yoda

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

Yes, I am a big star wars fan, not the prequels typically, but I did like what Yoda told young Anakin Skywalker. It’s one of those thoughts that you roll over in your mind for a while. The fact is being paralyzed by fear can lead to bitterness.

I’m not saying never be fearful, I mean seriously you shouldn’t jump in front of a train, but rather be willing to overcome your own insecurities.  There are two sorts of fear we should overcome.

1. The fear of unknown outcomes: In everything you do, there is a factor of the unknown, some more risky unknowns than others. This shouldn’t be the reason you stop and don’t move forward. (Unless you are a gambler that is about to bet away your house, in this case. STOP) First, look at what your goals are. For example you may be putting off going back to college, making excuses such as I am to old, or what if I can’t find a job once I am done? If your fears are just keeping you from reaching positive goals you should know you will regret not taking the risk. Without at least trying, the fear of the unknown that stops you, will also be the unknown that haunts you.

2. The fear of loss: This is the fear that plagued poor Anakin and turned him into Darth Vader. The problem with fearing loss is in life people die, people move away, jobs change, children grow up, life is filled with losses and gains. If you live your life dreading changes how can you enjoy the present? Part of truly living is learning to embrace the present, while still being able to move forward. If we allow fear to hold us back from taking risks such as building new relationships, loving our children, or even taking a new job, we only cause happiness to always elude us. We are not truly in control of many aspects of life. But we are in control of how we face fearlessly both the storms of life, and the peaceful calms.

As always Yoda is awesome even if the little green guy had to be in the prequels.

May the Force be with you.

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