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Off the Wall: A walk through history

So, I’ve been away for longer than I expected, but my husband and I took a walk through history without technology!  We outlawed iPads, and laptops. Phones were only used in case the kids had to reach us. This was a vacation in itself. Not saying I don’t enjoy writing to you all, but it felt quiet. I had to laugh to myself when I wrote this, because the first thing that came to my head was, Hermoine Granger telling Harry Potter, “Even in the wizarding world,  hearing voices isn’t a good sign.” 

It does seem that technology always keeps us connected or at least it is suppose to. My daughters are always annoyed when I leave my cell phone at home. I tell them I liked it better when phones were attached to the wall, so you weren’t expected to always answer. But while I fuss and grip,  it is great that we can now communicate so easily. It just comes at the cost of solitude. I don’t want to sound like a hermit but I do think that we need to guard that treasured silence.  As Maya Angelou puts it, “Solitude can be a must-be-desired condition. In silence, we listen to ourselves, and in the quietude we may even hear the voice of God.”

I enjoyed being with my husband and myself as we went from the Chesapeake Bay area to the Outer Banks. We saw Yorktown, Jamestown, and any town in between. We walked where pirates strolled, and where men first flew. Returning to the present I can say it was great walking through the past together, without any Facebook likes. But I hope to get some ‘likes’,  when I share the trip photos!

I’d suggest a vacation from technology with an understanding that technology is a huge part of our lives.  Enjoy some solitude but be thankful for the many ways we can connect to those we love.  Just don’t let the many voices of  technology take control. I have to remind myself of this a lot. Technology can be all consuming and addictive.

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Off the Wall: Gandalf Wisdom

Gandalf
Gandalf

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

No matter what time or place we find ourselves in there are always struggles. These obstacles often seem impossible, but as Gandalf says we only have one choice and that is to “decide.” So simply put as we live our lives we decide how we move forward or backwards or just stay the same. I once listened to a woman cry as she told me she had dug herself into a hole. She said, “There is nothing I can do.”

But is there really a hole so deep you can’t climb out? I do believe in most cases, no, there is usually a way. Because it all comes down to three important Gandalf lessons:

  • We make our own choices
  • We may need someone’s help to recover
  • The only aspect of life we truly control is the choices we make.

Of course some of the choices we must make are very difficult. They often involve facing the mistakes we have made, and finding the ability to forgive ourselves and others. I believe we become stuck in our own darkness, because we are too afraid to face our own choices. To take responsibility for our own actions, we cannot blame everyone else for our choices. In order to dig ourselves out of a hole we have to face ourselves, sometimes we may not like what we see. But the only person you can change is yourself.

The other problem is pride we often don’t want to ask for help. To admit to ourselves that we need others can open up past wounds. I’m sure everyone has had a time that someone let them down. But part of being strong and digging out of a hole may involve taking a risk. You need your own fellowship of friends, coworkers, parents, children, and maybe even grumpy Gimli.

Another monster that holds us back is our belief we have control of life. Be aware the only thing we truly control is ourselves and our choices. While it is scary to admit we aren’t in control, it is also liberating.  There will come a time when we must cross to the White Shores , but as Gandalf say we are only responsible for what we do with the time we have.

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Off the Wall: Yoda knows best

Yoda

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

Yes, I am a big star wars fan, not the prequels typically, but I did like what Yoda told young Anakin Skywalker. It’s one of those thoughts that you roll over in your mind for a while. The fact is being paralyzed by fear can lead to bitterness.

I’m not saying never be fearful, I mean seriously you shouldn’t jump in front of a train, but rather be willing to overcome your own insecurities.  There are two sorts of fear we should overcome.

1. The fear of unknown outcomes: In everything you do, there is a factor of the unknown, some more risky unknowns than others. This shouldn’t be the reason you stop and don’t move forward. (Unless you are a gambler that is about to bet away your house, in this case. STOP) First, look at what your goals are. For example you may be putting off going back to college, making excuses such as I am to old, or what if I can’t find a job once I am done? If your fears are just keeping you from reaching positive goals you should know you will regret not taking the risk. Without at least trying, the fear of the unknown that stops you, will also be the unknown that haunts you.

2. The fear of loss: This is the fear that plagued poor Anakin and turned him into Darth Vader. The problem with fearing loss is in life people die, people move away, jobs change, children grow up, life is filled with losses and gains. If you live your life dreading changes how can you enjoy the present? Part of truly living is learning to embrace the present, while still being able to move forward. If we allow fear to hold us back from taking risks such as building new relationships, loving our children, or even taking a new job, we only cause happiness to always elude us. We are not truly in control of many aspects of life. But we are in control of how we face fearlessly both the storms of life, and the peaceful calms.

As always Yoda is awesome even if the little green guy had to be in the prequels.

May the Force be with you.

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Off the Wall: A Crack in Everything

“There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in. ” -Leonard Cohen

I was a preacher’s kid. Preacher’s kids are the worst, I’ve often been told. Both my little brother and I agree with this, but we know the reasons why. In a way you are a small town super star. You begin life on display, tossed into a role of perfection. It gets mighty confusing right away because your father represents God, to you and a whole congregation of hungry souls.

My brother and I use to crawl under the pews after everyone had left; it was a game to see who could get to the front first. We’d scoot like inch worms, scuffing up our Sunday best in the process. You’d have to visit a Southern Baptist Church to know, but in the front of the church is a huge bath tub of sorts, usually hid behind some curtains. This is where people get cleansed of their sins. This use to be done in the river, but weather and necessity made it useful to have an indoor river.

Now my brother had just turned 3 years old and was about to visit his first baptism, we were both sitting on either side of my mom. If you moved she’d pinch the fire out of you, so we were very well behaved. But something happened to my brother when the baptismal curtains were opened. There was our father dressed in a white robe, a dove painted above his head. A little girl not much older than I was stood in front of him awaiting her baptism. My brother was in total awe, he wiggled away from my mom’s pinching fingers and went under the pews, but this time with people there. They scoffed and hollered, but this didn’t stop him , he just wiggled and wormed till he was in the front of the sanctuary. Then he pointed to my dad, and shouted, “My daddy is God!”

While this is funny it is how many children feel about their parents. Parents can do no wrong, it is just as that child gets older they begin to see imperfections in their parents. Parents just like preachers are human, they aren’t always going to be perfect, in fact they will make mistakes. But we as children can learn from their mistakes and hopefully be better parents and people. And parents should be willing to admit when they aren’t perfect, allow their child to see making a mistake isn’t always failure. In fact we learn most from making mistakes.  So instead of being disappointed that your parents aren’t God, maybe be glad they are human and you can learn from them. They may have even had similar problems growing up.

This isn’t to say strive to be imperfect, but rather that we be strive to be good to each other. It also doesn’t mean we make excuses for our actions, but it does mean that we take responsibility for our actions and do better. There is a balance that can be found through forgiveness and true repentance, both can bring about positive changes in ourselves and others.

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Off the Wall: Lonely or Comfortable in my Skin

“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”
– Thomas Wolfe

In a world filled with lonely people, the question arises why can we not connect? My youngest daughter is going through that painful, God awful period of life call ‘Middle School’. I rarely have met one adult that looks back fondly on those awkward years, but trying to explain this to a fourteen year old is near impossible. In her mind and heart she is the only person that has ever felt invisible.

I ask her why do you imagine that most of the musicians you admire have a song on loneliness? Why do you think that countless poems, novels, and paintings, all try to unravel this agonizing feeling? The answer is we all are lonely in our skins at one time or another. But if we can learn to be comfortable in our skin, we can find solid ground to overcome loneliness and reach out to others. It is in rare connections that we as individuals become united in understanding.

When I was younger I had a theory we are all in our own little bubbles.  I pictured individuals floating around in these fragile transparent globes. Within the bubbles we had our own thoughts, and dreams. In watching bubbles float through the air,  I saw  just how quickly one could pop. But sometimes that rare bubble would touch another bubble and they would become one, floating upwards in the sky.

I suppose that in some ways that is how it works. We are born within our own world, moving through life. Each person hoping to connect to someone.

Taking the chance of sharing your world with others, can be risky. But sometimes you find that rare person that you can feel connected to, the person you can trust with your own vulnerabilities. I think that is worth all the risk in the world.

The first step in overcoming loneliness, is figuring out who you are, and becoming comfortable in your own skin. This part has to be the most difficult. We all struggle with insecurities, that seem to rise up, at just the wrong moment. But if we can accept our own flaws, and embrace our own strengths, we will find it easier to understand others. This is something we work on throughout our lives, not just in the halls of Horrorville Middle School.

How can someone understand you, if you cannot understand yourself? Take sometime to get to know yourself, and love who you are. Find solitude and peace, not pain and rejection.

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Off The Wall: Opportunity in Every Difficulty

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ”  -Winston Churchill

I have to fight myself to be optimistic. Life in general creates an attitude of cynicism. Just watching the news we are bombarded with bad news, hardships, doomsday declarations, and reasons  to run for the hills. Sometimes it takes a lot of strength to look at what is good in our lives.

I believe as humans we are geared to remember the negative, for basic survival. We often forget the simple joys of life itself.

I was once asked by a teenage girl, “Why do you want to live?” She had attempted suicide recently, and was sent to a youth program I was working at. I had to actually stop and think. I’d never really considered why I kept going, or why I fought to continue on. Like most people I had good and bad days, tragedy and successes in my life.

The answer came to me that life in general isn’t about being happy, or even being sad. Life isn’t about existing, but rather to live is to value those magical moments you actually know you are alive. The first moment that came to my mind that was magical and worth living for was the day my first child was born.

I remembered the sun coming through the window and his tiny cries. I remember everything being so blurry cause my eyes were filled with happy tears. But most of all I remember feeling I was part of a miracle.

So, I still fight to be an optimist and to view difficulties as possibilities. Looking for the beauty in living is not naive nor is it ignorant. But rather to treasure beauty and life takes strength and grace, and a bit of inner fire to continue.

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