Posted on by JJones

Off the Wall: Gandalf Wisdom

Gandalf
Gandalf

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

No matter what time or place we find ourselves in there are always struggles. These obstacles often seem impossible, but as Gandalf says we only have one choice and that is to “decide.” So simply put as we live our lives we decide how we move forward or backwards or just stay the same. I once listened to a woman cry as she told me she had dug herself into a hole. She said, “There is nothing I can do.”

But is there really a hole so deep you can’t climb out? I do believe in most cases, no, there is usually a way. Because it all comes down to three important Gandalf lessons:

  • We make our own choices
  • We may need someone’s help to recover
  • The only aspect of life we truly control is the choices we make.

Of course some of the choices we must make are very difficult. They often involve facing the mistakes we have made, and finding the ability to forgive ourselves and others. I believe we become stuck in our own darkness, because we are too afraid to face our own choices. To take responsibility for our own actions, we cannot blame everyone else for our choices. In order to dig ourselves out of a hole we have to face ourselves, sometimes we may not like what we see. But the only person you can change is yourself.

The other problem is pride we often don’t want to ask for help. To admit to ourselves that we need others can open up past wounds. I’m sure everyone has had a time that someone let them down. But part of being strong and digging out of a hole may involve taking a risk. You need your own fellowship of friends, coworkers, parents, children, and maybe even grumpy Gimli.

Another monster that holds us back is our belief we have control of life. Be aware the only thing we truly control is ourselves and our choices. While it is scary to admit we aren’t in control, it is also liberating.  There will come a time when we must cross to the White Shores , but as Gandalf say we are only responsible for what we do with the time we have.

Related articles
Posted on by JJones · 4 Comments

Off the Wall: Spidey Scenes

Spiderman
Spiderman

“With great power, comes great responsibility.”- Stan Lee (Uncle Ben)

I don’t mean to always tie my ideas to some totally geeky, but awesome character such as Spider-man or Yoda, but I tend to see connections often in pop culture to reality. Sometimes through fiction (books, comic books, movies…) we can learn hard lessons while having fun. Spider-man was like that for me. I loved him growing up. I was even jealous when my brother got Spider- man underoos (superhero kid’s underwear from the 80s) , and I could only have Wonder Woman!

It broke my heart when Spider-man failed Uncle Ben (I don’t mean Uncle Ben’s rice)  in all his incarnations over the years. I just held onto Uncle Ben’s quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”  I know I don’t have super powers, but I defined great powers, as my own strengths. To me it meant if you can do something to help you have the responsibility to do so. In later years I was over stressed and exhausted from taking this idea too far. My husband told me you don’t always have to help, sometimes you can say, ” no.”  I turned to him and quoted Uncle Ben. He said, “Honey, that’s not what that means.” Now this is still debatable. But he did have a point, you can’t always help, if you overload yourself,  you just end up being  no help to anyone.

So I’ve made a small change to the quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility, to always prioritize what you can do to  help to others.”   

Okay it’s not short and sweet, but I do think now I am a better support to others, because I am not spread to thin. I still cannot climb walls,  and I doubt I’ll be designing any web fluid anytime soon. But there is something to be said about using our abilities to help others, while being aware of our limits.

Related articles

Posted on by JJones · 1 Comment

Off the Wall: With a Friend

Image

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

-Helen Keller

My best friend is my husband of 22 years. We get a lot of congratulations for that, but honestly it isn’t that long of a time. It is long enough for me to say the journey has been all the better because he was there.

Now this isn’t going to be some gooey, lo-vie, do-vie post, but rather a post on life’s journey. Our journey has been one colored with unexpected turns and dead ends, just like most people’s lives. I can say we never planned to be where we are when we first began, so young. Of course in your early 20’s you often think you have it all figured out. We had to figure it out together.

Now this figuring things out, meant sometimes we wanted to toss each other out the window. (figuratively of course) But thank goodness we held on. I do believe it is better to have a friend in those dark confusing moments, rather then to have one only in the good times. You grow closer, and you find deeper bonds.

I have friends who talk about how they aren’t in love with their husbands anymore, but I wonder if love just changes. We expect love to be one way, when it can be far more than we imagined. But it does take effort, or suddenly that closeness can be replaced with walls.

You have to stop each day and not take the other person for granted, this can be the simplest things such as telling them you love them before bed, bringing them coffee in the morning, or a little note that makes them laugh. But it is funny how even the simplest things can slip our minds. I’m the wife that forgets anniversaries, but my husband can tell you the shirt I wore the first day he met me.

Love can blossom into a bond that can only make you stronger. Isn’t it nicer to always have someone there, to help you up when you fall.

Posted on by JJones

Off the Wall: A Crack in Everything

“There is a crack in everything, That’s how the light gets in. ” -Leonard Cohen

I was a preacher’s kid. Preacher’s kids are the worst, I’ve often been told. Both my little brother and I agree with this, but we know the reasons why. In a way you are a small town super star. You begin life on display, tossed into a role of perfection. It gets mighty confusing right away because your father represents God, to you and a whole congregation of hungry souls.

My brother and I use to crawl under the pews after everyone had left; it was a game to see who could get to the front first. We’d scoot like inch worms, scuffing up our Sunday best in the process. You’d have to visit a Southern Baptist Church to know, but in the front of the church is a huge bath tub of sorts, usually hid behind some curtains. This is where people get cleansed of their sins. This use to be done in the river, but weather and necessity made it useful to have an indoor river.

Now my brother had just turned 3 years old and was about to visit his first baptism, we were both sitting on either side of my mom. If you moved she’d pinch the fire out of you, so we were very well behaved. But something happened to my brother when the baptismal curtains were opened. There was our father dressed in a white robe, a dove painted above his head. A little girl not much older than I was stood in front of him awaiting her baptism. My brother was in total awe, he wiggled away from my mom’s pinching fingers and went under the pews, but this time with people there. They scoffed and hollered, but this didn’t stop him , he just wiggled and wormed till he was in the front of the sanctuary. Then he pointed to my dad, and shouted, “My daddy is God!”

While this is funny it is how many children feel about their parents. Parents can do no wrong, it is just as that child gets older they begin to see imperfections in their parents. Parents just like preachers are human, they aren’t always going to be perfect, in fact they will make mistakes. But we as children can learn from their mistakes and hopefully be better parents and people. And parents should be willing to admit when they aren’t perfect, allow their child to see making a mistake isn’t always failure. In fact we learn most from making mistakes.  So instead of being disappointed that your parents aren’t God, maybe be glad they are human and you can learn from them. They may have even had similar problems growing up.

This isn’t to say strive to be imperfect, but rather that we be strive to be good to each other. It also doesn’t mean we make excuses for our actions, but it does mean that we take responsibility for our actions and do better. There is a balance that can be found through forgiveness and true repentance, both can bring about positive changes in ourselves and others.

Related articles
Posted on by JJones

Off the Wall: Lonely or Comfortable in my Skin

“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”
– Thomas Wolfe

In a world filled with lonely people, the question arises why can we not connect? My youngest daughter is going through that painful, God awful period of life call ‘Middle School’. I rarely have met one adult that looks back fondly on those awkward years, but trying to explain this to a fourteen year old is near impossible. In her mind and heart she is the only person that has ever felt invisible.

I ask her why do you imagine that most of the musicians you admire have a song on loneliness? Why do you think that countless poems, novels, and paintings, all try to unravel this agonizing feeling? The answer is we all are lonely in our skins at one time or another. But if we can learn to be comfortable in our skin, we can find solid ground to overcome loneliness and reach out to others. It is in rare connections that we as individuals become united in understanding.

When I was younger I had a theory we are all in our own little bubbles.  I pictured individuals floating around in these fragile transparent globes. Within the bubbles we had our own thoughts, and dreams. In watching bubbles float through the air,  I saw  just how quickly one could pop. But sometimes that rare bubble would touch another bubble and they would become one, floating upwards in the sky.

I suppose that in some ways that is how it works. We are born within our own world, moving through life. Each person hoping to connect to someone.

Taking the chance of sharing your world with others, can be risky. But sometimes you find that rare person that you can feel connected to, the person you can trust with your own vulnerabilities. I think that is worth all the risk in the world.

The first step in overcoming loneliness, is figuring out who you are, and becoming comfortable in your own skin. This part has to be the most difficult. We all struggle with insecurities, that seem to rise up, at just the wrong moment. But if we can accept our own flaws, and embrace our own strengths, we will find it easier to understand others. This is something we work on throughout our lives, not just in the halls of Horrorville Middle School.

How can someone understand you, if you cannot understand yourself? Take sometime to get to know yourself, and love who you are. Find solitude and peace, not pain and rejection.

Related articles
Posted on by JJones

Off The Wall: Opportunity in Every Difficulty

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ”  -Winston Churchill

I have to fight myself to be optimistic. Life in general creates an attitude of cynicism. Just watching the news we are bombarded with bad news, hardships, doomsday declarations, and reasons  to run for the hills. Sometimes it takes a lot of strength to look at what is good in our lives.

I believe as humans we are geared to remember the negative, for basic survival. We often forget the simple joys of life itself.

I was once asked by a teenage girl, “Why do you want to live?” She had attempted suicide recently, and was sent to a youth program I was working at. I had to actually stop and think. I’d never really considered why I kept going, or why I fought to continue on. Like most people I had good and bad days, tragedy and successes in my life.

The answer came to me that life in general isn’t about being happy, or even being sad. Life isn’t about existing, but rather to live is to value those magical moments you actually know you are alive. The first moment that came to my mind that was magical and worth living for was the day my first child was born.

I remembered the sun coming through the window and his tiny cries. I remember everything being so blurry cause my eyes were filled with happy tears. But most of all I remember feeling I was part of a miracle.

So, I still fight to be an optimist and to view difficulties as possibilities. Looking for the beauty in living is not naive nor is it ignorant. But rather to treasure beauty and life takes strength and grace, and a bit of inner fire to continue.

Related articles
Posted on by JJones

Off The Wall: Delicious Ambiguity

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”  – Gilda Radner

I have told my daughters that the weak want to control everything, because the fact that we aren’t in control is terrifying, but the strong can face the fear of not knowing, and become exhilarated with living.

This is the one true aspect of life I want my children prepared for.  No matter how much you plan, how much you think you are in control, life has a way of turning everything upside down. The fun part is looking around once the storm has passed and seeing the world is greener, and full of more sparkle than you could have ever dreamed of.

My life is nothing like I planned it to be, but it is far better. When you embrace the horrifying nature of the unknown you find miracles. You will find forgiveness, happiness and peace.

Related articles