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Off the Wall: Gandalf Wisdom

Gandalf
Gandalf

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

No matter what time or place we find ourselves in there are always struggles. These obstacles often seem impossible, but as Gandalf says we only have one choice and that is to “decide.” So simply put as we live our lives we decide how we move forward or backwards or just stay the same. I once listened to a woman cry as she told me she had dug herself into a hole. She said, “There is nothing I can do.”

But is there really a hole so deep you can’t climb out? I do believe in most cases, no, there is usually a way. Because it all comes down to three important Gandalf lessons:

  • We make our own choices
  • We may need someone’s help to recover
  • The only aspect of life we truly control is the choices we make.

Of course some of the choices we must make are very difficult. They often involve facing the mistakes we have made, and finding the ability to forgive ourselves and others. I believe we become stuck in our own darkness, because we are too afraid to face our own choices. To take responsibility for our own actions, we cannot blame everyone else for our choices. In order to dig ourselves out of a hole we have to face ourselves, sometimes we may not like what we see. But the only person you can change is yourself.

The other problem is pride we often don’t want to ask for help. To admit to ourselves that we need others can open up past wounds. I’m sure everyone has had a time that someone let them down. But part of being strong and digging out of a hole may involve taking a risk. You need your own fellowship of friends, coworkers, parents, children, and maybe even grumpy Gimli.

Another monster that holds us back is our belief we have control of life. Be aware the only thing we truly control is ourselves and our choices. While it is scary to admit we aren’t in control, it is also liberating.  There will come a time when we must cross to the White Shores , but as Gandalf say we are only responsible for what we do with the time we have.

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Off the Wall: With a Friend

Image

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

-Helen Keller

My best friend is my husband of 22 years. We get a lot of congratulations for that, but honestly it isn’t that long of a time. It is long enough for me to say the journey has been all the better because he was there.

Now this isn’t going to be some gooey, lo-vie, do-vie post, but rather a post on life’s journey. Our journey has been one colored with unexpected turns and dead ends, just like most people’s lives. I can say we never planned to be where we are when we first began, so young. Of course in your early 20’s you often think you have it all figured out. We had to figure it out together.

Now this figuring things out, meant sometimes we wanted to toss each other out the window. (figuratively of course) But thank goodness we held on. I do believe it is better to have a friend in those dark confusing moments, rather then to have one only in the good times. You grow closer, and you find deeper bonds.

I have friends who talk about how they aren’t in love with their husbands anymore, but I wonder if love just changes. We expect love to be one way, when it can be far more than we imagined. But it does take effort, or suddenly that closeness can be replaced with walls.

You have to stop each day and not take the other person for granted, this can be the simplest things such as telling them you love them before bed, bringing them coffee in the morning, or a little note that makes them laugh. But it is funny how even the simplest things can slip our minds. I’m the wife that forgets anniversaries, but my husband can tell you the shirt I wore the first day he met me.

Love can blossom into a bond that can only make you stronger. Isn’t it nicer to always have someone there, to help you up when you fall.

Posted on by JJones

Off the Wall: Jamaican food and Good Advice

“… really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous.”
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

When I lived in Florida, I met this old man named Herman. His name isn’t overly important, although, I’ve always liked the name. But what made Herman stand out most was his advice.

He always spoke with a wise Jamaican accent in even tones and would gently jester his hands to better elaborate.  Over the six years I knew him he gave me lots of advice. He’d speak on theological questions, political issues, and even give small lectures on the virtues of good Jamaican food.

But of all the advice he gave me one specific statement stays with me.

I was in a bad mood, grumbling about a co-worker. Herman stopped me and raised his left hand, spreading out his fingers, and pointing his thumb back towards himself.

He said still pointing his thumb back towards himself,  “Whenever you wish to find fault with another, stop and check your thumb, could it be that you too have much to learn? Never think that your way is the only way something should be done, nor that you know enough to judge the righteousness of others. To think you are always in the right narrows your mind and pinches your soul. “

At first this made me a little angry. I thought how dare he! But as I rolled this over in my mind I started to see this was the best advice he’d ever given me. Besides his advice to not to salt Ackee.

It is important to always questions ourselves, and to realize we are not infallible. Only through an understanding of our own imperfections, and annoying habits, can we begin to work together for a better world.

Questioning  allows us to grow. The only person you can ultimately change is yourself.

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
When life becomes difficult the first impulse is to run, and the second impulse is to destroy. Instead of facing your own demons and those of the others you love. True friendship isn’t about everything always being perfect, it’s about people willing to face the dark together. Even sometimes face the darkness of each other and overcome.I’ve always enjoyed Tolkien’s novels mainly because they are about different sorts of people being able to overcome the dark. The key in most of his stories is that they need each other to do so. Each individual must have faith in the others to continue. The sorts of sacrifices made in the name of friendship are both inspiring and sometimes unbelievable.
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