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Off the Wall: Gandalf Wisdom

Gandalf
Gandalf

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

No matter what time or place we find ourselves in there are always struggles. These obstacles often seem impossible, but as Gandalf says we only have one choice and that is to “decide.” So simply put as we live our lives we decide how we move forward or backwards or just stay the same. I once listened to a woman cry as she told me she had dug herself into a hole. She said, “There is nothing I can do.”

But is there really a hole so deep you can’t climb out? I do believe in most cases, no, there is usually a way. Because it all comes down to three important Gandalf lessons:

  • We make our own choices
  • We may need someone’s help to recover
  • The only aspect of life we truly control is the choices we make.

Of course some of the choices we must make are very difficult. They often involve facing the mistakes we have made, and finding the ability to forgive ourselves and others. I believe we become stuck in our own darkness, because we are too afraid to face our own choices. To take responsibility for our own actions, we cannot blame everyone else for our choices. In order to dig ourselves out of a hole we have to face ourselves, sometimes we may not like what we see. But the only person you can change is yourself.

The other problem is pride we often don’t want to ask for help. To admit to ourselves that we need others can open up past wounds. I’m sure everyone has had a time that someone let them down. But part of being strong and digging out of a hole may involve taking a risk. You need your own fellowship of friends, coworkers, parents, children, and maybe even grumpy Gimli.

Another monster that holds us back is our belief we have control of life. Be aware the only thing we truly control is ourselves and our choices. While it is scary to admit we aren’t in control, it is also liberating.  There will come a time when we must cross to the White Shores , but as Gandalf say we are only responsible for what we do with the time we have.

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Off the Wall: Spidey Scenes

Spiderman
Spiderman

“With great power, comes great responsibility.”- Stan Lee (Uncle Ben)

I don’t mean to always tie my ideas to some totally geeky, but awesome character such as Spider-man or Yoda, but I tend to see connections often in pop culture to reality. Sometimes through fiction (books, comic books, movies…) we can learn hard lessons while having fun. Spider-man was like that for me. I loved him growing up. I was even jealous when my brother got Spider- man underoos (superhero kid’s underwear from the 80s) , and I could only have Wonder Woman!

It broke my heart when Spider-man failed Uncle Ben (I don’t mean Uncle Ben’s rice)  in all his incarnations over the years. I just held onto Uncle Ben’s quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”  I know I don’t have super powers, but I defined great powers, as my own strengths. To me it meant if you can do something to help you have the responsibility to do so. In later years I was over stressed and exhausted from taking this idea too far. My husband told me you don’t always have to help, sometimes you can say, ” no.”  I turned to him and quoted Uncle Ben. He said, “Honey, that’s not what that means.” Now this is still debatable. But he did have a point, you can’t always help, if you overload yourself,  you just end up being  no help to anyone.

So I’ve made a small change to the quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility, to always prioritize what you can do to  help to others.”   

Okay it’s not short and sweet, but I do think now I am a better support to others, because I am not spread to thin. I still cannot climb walls,  and I doubt I’ll be designing any web fluid anytime soon. But there is something to be said about using our abilities to help others, while being aware of our limits.

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Off the Wall: Yoda knows best

Yoda

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

Yes, I am a big star wars fan, not the prequels typically, but I did like what Yoda told young Anakin Skywalker. It’s one of those thoughts that you roll over in your mind for a while. The fact is being paralyzed by fear can lead to bitterness.

I’m not saying never be fearful, I mean seriously you shouldn’t jump in front of a train, but rather be willing to overcome your own insecurities.  There are two sorts of fear we should overcome.

1. The fear of unknown outcomes: In everything you do, there is a factor of the unknown, some more risky unknowns than others. This shouldn’t be the reason you stop and don’t move forward. (Unless you are a gambler that is about to bet away your house, in this case. STOP) First, look at what your goals are. For example you may be putting off going back to college, making excuses such as I am to old, or what if I can’t find a job once I am done? If your fears are just keeping you from reaching positive goals you should know you will regret not taking the risk. Without at least trying, the fear of the unknown that stops you, will also be the unknown that haunts you.

2. The fear of loss: This is the fear that plagued poor Anakin and turned him into Darth Vader. The problem with fearing loss is in life people die, people move away, jobs change, children grow up, life is filled with losses and gains. If you live your life dreading changes how can you enjoy the present? Part of truly living is learning to embrace the present, while still being able to move forward. If we allow fear to hold us back from taking risks such as building new relationships, loving our children, or even taking a new job, we only cause happiness to always elude us. We are not truly in control of many aspects of life. But we are in control of how we face fearlessly both the storms of life, and the peaceful calms.

As always Yoda is awesome even if the little green guy had to be in the prequels.

May the Force be with you.

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