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Off the Wall: A Story to Tell

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 
― Maya Angelou

The most valuable lesson I learned growing up, was that I could check out as many books from the library as I wanted as long as I brought them back on time. And if I brought them back late, make sure I brought some change. The late fee at my local library wasn’t very much. Stories were my teachers, my mentors. So I would find myself lost in a book, until the end. This often left me a sad wishing the story didn’t have to end. But if you think about it we do tend to learn best from stories, from fables and fairy tales, to bible stories. The lessons stories hold are vast and wondrous. 

It is no wonder I grew up to want to be a librarian. Although the mystique of the librarian did hold some appeal also. Getting to say, “shhh” is a lot of fun.  I am also very soft spoken, so much so that I often am answered with, “What?” a few times before I actually get a real answer. 

But back to the topic at hand, earlier today I was looking for inspiration to keep me going on the November Novel Writing Challenge. This week has been a bit harder than last to stay on task. I found this wonderful quote by Maya Angelou and I wanted to share it, because stories have been so fundamental to me. We all have a story to tell and the worst agony is not being able to share it. So thank you to all those who have shared their stories with me over the years. Those stories made my world far larger and gave me company when I most needed it.

 

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National Novel Writing Month! November 2013

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November 1-30 • The world needs your novel.

 

I’m so going to take this challenge! But I thought others of you might also be interested. I saw it on another owl’s blog and thought this might actually motivate me to write some of the stories in my head. 

http://nanowrimo.org/ – It looks really fun and is only one month!

 

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The Book List

This looks like such fun!

Gert's avatare.m.PD Therapy

November Calendar PageI have a Book List. I know – normal people make a Bucket List, but I made a Book List. I have created an amazing list of books that I’d like to write before the physical me ceases to exist.

I can’t remember when I actually started my list, but I have been building it for quite some time now. When I think of an idea for a book or storyline, I simply add it to my list – complete with a short overview of what I think it is about, and any tidbits I can think of that will add flavor to the story.

My Book List has grown considerably in recent years, thanks to a series of memorable events occurring in my world. I think Stephen King would be proud – or not – since I haven’t actually written any of the books that have made the list…

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Off the Wall: With a Friend

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“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

-Helen Keller

My best friend is my husband of 22 years. We get a lot of congratulations for that, but honestly it isn’t that long of a time. It is long enough for me to say the journey has been all the better because he was there.

Now this isn’t going to be some gooey, lo-vie, do-vie post, but rather a post on life’s journey. Our journey has been one colored with unexpected turns and dead ends, just like most people’s lives. I can say we never planned to be where we are when we first began, so young. Of course in your early 20’s you often think you have it all figured out. We had to figure it out together.

Now this figuring things out, meant sometimes we wanted to toss each other out the window. (figuratively of course) But thank goodness we held on. I do believe it is better to have a friend in those dark confusing moments, rather then to have one only in the good times. You grow closer, and you find deeper bonds.

I have friends who talk about how they aren’t in love with their husbands anymore, but I wonder if love just changes. We expect love to be one way, when it can be far more than we imagined. But it does take effort, or suddenly that closeness can be replaced with walls.

You have to stop each day and not take the other person for granted, this can be the simplest things such as telling them you love them before bed, bringing them coffee in the morning, or a little note that makes them laugh. But it is funny how even the simplest things can slip our minds. I’m the wife that forgets anniversaries, but my husband can tell you the shirt I wore the first day he met me.

Love can blossom into a bond that can only make you stronger. Isn’t it nicer to always have someone there, to help you up when you fall.

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Off the Wall: Yoda knows best

Yoda

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

Yes, I am a big star wars fan, not the prequels typically, but I did like what Yoda told young Anakin Skywalker. It’s one of those thoughts that you roll over in your mind for a while. The fact is being paralyzed by fear can lead to bitterness.

I’m not saying never be fearful, I mean seriously you shouldn’t jump in front of a train, but rather be willing to overcome your own insecurities.  There are two sorts of fear we should overcome.

1. The fear of unknown outcomes: In everything you do, there is a factor of the unknown, some more risky unknowns than others. This shouldn’t be the reason you stop and don’t move forward. (Unless you are a gambler that is about to bet away your house, in this case. STOP) First, look at what your goals are. For example you may be putting off going back to college, making excuses such as I am to old, or what if I can’t find a job once I am done? If your fears are just keeping you from reaching positive goals you should know you will regret not taking the risk. Without at least trying, the fear of the unknown that stops you, will also be the unknown that haunts you.

2. The fear of loss: This is the fear that plagued poor Anakin and turned him into Darth Vader. The problem with fearing loss is in life people die, people move away, jobs change, children grow up, life is filled with losses and gains. If you live your life dreading changes how can you enjoy the present? Part of truly living is learning to embrace the present, while still being able to move forward. If we allow fear to hold us back from taking risks such as building new relationships, loving our children, or even taking a new job, we only cause happiness to always elude us. We are not truly in control of many aspects of life. But we are in control of how we face fearlessly both the storms of life, and the peaceful calms.

As always Yoda is awesome even if the little green guy had to be in the prequels.

May the Force be with you.

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Off the Wall: Your mother’s eyes

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In Harry Potter they speak about how Harry looks like his father but has his mother’s eyes. I remember when my children were born, just about every relative or friend commented on each feature. “She has your eyes, or He has his grandfather’s nose.” I kept wanting to say no, those are her eyes and that is his nose. I know of course that children do resemble their relatives, but when you are constantly tell them they are just like someone else, how can they become who they are? 

Putting pressure on the child to be like a beloved relative/friend/celebrity, or telling them they act like a villain of the family, manipulates their self image.

For example my grandfather was a hero to our whole family. He was beloved and treasured in the community, as well as just a wonderful person to be around. So it goes to figure that out of respect someone in the family would name their child after him. So his first grandson was named Ansel, then he named his son Ansel. Then the second grandson named his son Ansel as well. So currently I have a brother and two nephews with the same name. All of them hoping to live up to the original Ansel. It really hurt my first nephew when his cousin was given his name. But since then we have sorta made a joke out of it, by calling my grandfather, Ansel Classic, and the last Ansel,  Ansel 2.0. (Although how is 2.0 going to feel when he gets older, I hope he goes by Andy!) And I have begged my children to discontinue the name in the future. We have way to many Ansels. Sharing a name is often a tradition and it can in-steel pride but there are some consequences that comes with it as well. 

Each individual is different, they have some similarities, but I think we should teach our children to treasure who they are, not force them into a mold. I personally believe that children should strive to not be a copy of another person, but rather learn their own strengths and weaknesses. But it can be argued that by giving the child someone to look up to you set certain standards and give the child pride.

From my own experience I say a child should be praised for their own beauty inside and out, and given a name as a blessing that is truly theirs. Having guidelines from people you look up to is not bad, but heroes should be the ones that you relate to. We shouldn’t self impose who we want our children to be, but rather love who they are. 

Harry Potter proved to be his own person, just with pretty green eyes.  

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Off the Wall: Jamaican food and Good Advice

“… really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous.”
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

When I lived in Florida, I met this old man named Herman. His name isn’t overly important, although, I’ve always liked the name. But what made Herman stand out most was his advice.

He always spoke with a wise Jamaican accent in even tones and would gently jester his hands to better elaborate.  Over the six years I knew him he gave me lots of advice. He’d speak on theological questions, political issues, and even give small lectures on the virtues of good Jamaican food.

But of all the advice he gave me one specific statement stays with me.

I was in a bad mood, grumbling about a co-worker. Herman stopped me and raised his left hand, spreading out his fingers, and pointing his thumb back towards himself.

He said still pointing his thumb back towards himself,  “Whenever you wish to find fault with another, stop and check your thumb, could it be that you too have much to learn? Never think that your way is the only way something should be done, nor that you know enough to judge the righteousness of others. To think you are always in the right narrows your mind and pinches your soul. “

At first this made me a little angry. I thought how dare he! But as I rolled this over in my mind I started to see this was the best advice he’d ever given me. Besides his advice to not to salt Ackee.

It is important to always questions ourselves, and to realize we are not infallible. Only through an understanding of our own imperfections, and annoying habits, can we begin to work together for a better world.

Questioning  allows us to grow. The only person you can ultimately change is yourself.

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Off the Wall: Lonely or Comfortable in my Skin

“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”
– Thomas Wolfe

In a world filled with lonely people, the question arises why can we not connect? My youngest daughter is going through that painful, God awful period of life call ‘Middle School’. I rarely have met one adult that looks back fondly on those awkward years, but trying to explain this to a fourteen year old is near impossible. In her mind and heart she is the only person that has ever felt invisible.

I ask her why do you imagine that most of the musicians you admire have a song on loneliness? Why do you think that countless poems, novels, and paintings, all try to unravel this agonizing feeling? The answer is we all are lonely in our skins at one time or another. But if we can learn to be comfortable in our skin, we can find solid ground to overcome loneliness and reach out to others. It is in rare connections that we as individuals become united in understanding.

When I was younger I had a theory we are all in our own little bubbles.  I pictured individuals floating around in these fragile transparent globes. Within the bubbles we had our own thoughts, and dreams. In watching bubbles float through the air,  I saw  just how quickly one could pop. But sometimes that rare bubble would touch another bubble and they would become one, floating upwards in the sky.

I suppose that in some ways that is how it works. We are born within our own world, moving through life. Each person hoping to connect to someone.

Taking the chance of sharing your world with others, can be risky. But sometimes you find that rare person that you can feel connected to, the person you can trust with your own vulnerabilities. I think that is worth all the risk in the world.

The first step in overcoming loneliness, is figuring out who you are, and becoming comfortable in your own skin. This part has to be the most difficult. We all struggle with insecurities, that seem to rise up, at just the wrong moment. But if we can accept our own flaws, and embrace our own strengths, we will find it easier to understand others. This is something we work on throughout our lives, not just in the halls of Horrorville Middle School.

How can someone understand you, if you cannot understand yourself? Take sometime to get to know yourself, and love who you are. Find solitude and peace, not pain and rejection.

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